pammy

Welcome to i.PH Blogs! Huzzah!

pammy — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 15:13:52 +0000

Thank you for choosing i.PH. You’ve made an awesome choice.

Don't be scared to play around with your site, you'll see how we make blogging easy.

If you need help, you can just go to:

i.PH Forum - Meet other i.PH Blog users, the people who run i.PH Blogs. You can post questions, or you can just make friends
FAQs - All the i.PH tutorials you need. Ever.
Livehelp - Confused? We're here to help you.

To delete this, just look for and click the "Delete Post" button at the upper right side of this entry.

To start blogging, just click on the "New Post" button, and you're all set!

First Love Never Dies

pammy — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 16:17:00 +0000

FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES...used to think this saying was just BS...but lately, I have been finding out that there is some truth to it after all...

After two months, I had the chance to see him again...I was giddy with excitement while we were still on our way to the bar...weird, felt like I was back in highschool...ciempre, I tried to act nonchalant when I first saw him, but deep inside, grabe I wanted to hug him na talaga. My beloved ex was not being helpful either, as he was back to his old, charming ways ... or maybe I phrased it incorrectly, that was probably how he really is or was or whatever. My instincts were correct though, I knew I should not have gone that night for fear of making the situation harder for me, well obviously, ganun na nga, coz Im back with another blog... Oh well, here's what happened -- as usual he greeted me with another peck on the cheek once he entered the venue...(which I tried to be deadma about)...and he promised to get back to us, which he did after singing. Nakakainis, my beloved ex was sooo nice and sweet and touchy (not in bad way though)...he was even kind enough to hang out with us and engage in a friendly banter with my friends (who were all being kunsintidors)...he kept on looking pa while singing...hay, everything would have been perfect if only we were really and truly together...I was at loss for words nasabi ko lang Ive missed him so much and was contented having him close...he said he did not know what to say either and was contented by just looking at me....aaarggh...shitty line...isip ko binobola na naman ako neto...but still blushed at the thought...stupid me...but you know what? it felt really really good to hug him...as in sobra...why cant I tell him the things I have been typing in my blog?...why cant I just ask him upfront kng ano ba tlga?..I can handle the truth, i just dont wanna be played again...I think its going to be easier to let go if I hear from him straight that he just sees me as a friend now,..but what was surprising though, was the way he remembered what had happened to us before...man that was almost 2 decades ago...he still knew the story, the details...at tama ba na sabihin na 'wala pa daw kameng formal break up?!?'...ano ba "P", sobrang torture na tong ginagawa mo sakin...I wanted to think that it was because he could not forget me the same way that he has been a constant fixture in my thoughts...nakakainis...you know how it is when you really like someone?...di ba you start giving meaning to every little word, every little act that this person says or does, feeling mo gusto ka pa rin niya...pero what if I was wrong? na my judgement was clouded pala because nga I still like this person...and that he just treats me the same way he treats his fans, worst his other girls...I honestly wanted to believe that he still thought of me, and that you know maybe a part of him would like to rekindle what we had before, ciempre goes without saying that we cannot really be in a serious relationship anymore (except maybe if there was some sort of a divine intervention) and well hndi naman un ung habol ko e, i just really wanna spend some time with him, you know tipong labas kame, dine, movies, saka do the things we never had the chance to do before...kaya lang hindi ko tlga alam kung ano tutoo or kung ano ang gusto nia. Kainis pa, I stayed after the set was over because I wanted a chance to talk, or well, sige kahit magpaalam na lang ng maayos...and would you believe my beloved ex just left!! Grrr! Which again, left me confused, just a few minutes ago, he was acting real sweet, and then now he left without even saying goodbye...I was honestly hurt by that action, I felt that my worst fears were confirmed, that ganun, like before, he was still playing with me...I was so down when I went home...tried calling his cp which was off...I did not get much sleep that night...and was restless until the next day. Sobrang bigat ng heart ko thinking na sobrang wala na pala talaga. Parang ang hirap na hindi ko na siya makakausap, makikita. Naluluha luha nako when I received a message from him saying that he was sorry he did not get my messages as his cp battery was dead and sana wag na daw ako magalit. My god! Para naman kaya kong magalit sa knya?!? So ciempre, natuwa nako ulit, never mind his explanation about why he suddenly left that night...that could wait... what is important now is that at least he exerted some effort to at least apologize to me...Im happy.

Somewhere Down The Road

pammy — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 17:20:00 +0000

January 19, 2008. Finally, after 16 long years, our paths cross again. Seeing him was the only reason I was so excited to attend the party. Now that the big day has arrived, I didnt really know what to expect. Call time was at 11pm but he said he was arriving early to see me. So while waiting for him to arrive, I tried to shrug off the excitement by watching the ongoing presentation. When I received a message from the manager stating that they have arrived, I knew that it was time. I called him and asked where he was, and he said that he already sees me, to which I just replied “really?”, then asked him to come inside. I tried to downplay my emotions by acting nonchalant, while my eyes frantically search the lobby. And then when I turned, there he was…I felt my knees go weak, and as he approached me I just went blank. He gave me a peck on the cheek and enveloped me in a big warm hug…I could have died right there and then but the magical moment was over as soon as it started for it was back to business again. The band had to be brought backstage as they will be on in a few minutes. I was in such a mess, I could not stand still, there he was…so near but yet still so far. I decided to just stand on the side and watch them, well really just him, sing. When I heard the first few notes of the song I requested, I saw him raise his right index finger to signal that it was for me, I raised my right hand back in recognition. I had to contend with the fact that even if it was dark, he knew just where I was. There were moments when we were just looking into each other’s eyes, I mean I maybe wrong of course, he might have been looking at someone else, but deep inside I knew and felt that he was watching me. I wanted to run up the stage to touch him, to show how much I have missed him, how happy I was that he was finally there, but that move would have been stupid, and would have definitely destroyed my image, so I just stood there watching and waiting. When the performance was over, I accompanied the band for their snacks, but still no time to talk. He kept on saying “nahihiya ako sayo.” I could not understand why, and just smiled. He said that a lot of things have happened since, and whatever he has right now, is not what he really wants in life...and then he just looked at me and whispered that Im still cute as ever…hahaha…finally….a compliment! Oh well, obviously we would not be able to have a private talk that night, so I said that I was leaving them and to just text if they need anything. He then stood up, and again enveloped me in a big, warm hug. It was so hard to keep my emotions intact, and Im glad I was able to muster the courage to walk away without turning to look at him. After 30 minutes, I received a message from him saying that they were leaving and that they wanted to say goodbye. I went out, and we talked about planning to go out one of these days…and then another peck on the cheek, and another big, tight, and this time longer, hug. It just felt so natural, you know for him to be hugging me in front of everyone else…and then for the second time that night, it was over. We did exchange messages on the way home, and admitted that we had both missed each other…wanted to hug for a longer time, but it was just not possible. He said that this was what our parents did not understand before…and that we still had “it” up to now…what he meant by that I did not dare ask, but I knew that we understood what each other meant right there and then. I could not keep my tears from falling, I know I am happy, but I am also sad at the same time. Sad with the realization that we do have separate and different lives now…and maybe no matter how much we want to bring back the past, it may not be possible anymore. He said that our past has a song, SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD. Thinking about the lyrics, does it mean that there still is a chance for us? I do not really have the answers right now. No one knows what the future will bring. For now, I am wanting to just spend time with him.

DeJaVu

pammy — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 05:57:00 +0000

Was able to exchange messages with someone from my past today...someone tI have tried to find for the last few years...and HE was important enough to make me blog...I guess I cannot really figure out my feelings...the last time we saw each other was sixteen years ago, but I guess he may have had an enormous impact on my life (without me really realizing it) gauging from the way I am feeling right now...I want to cry, yet I am really happy to be able to finally get hold of HIM...how can you forget your first love, first kiss, first heartache?...there were just too many memories, though vague, of us...I really do not know what to think or feel...my heart is heavy (my eyes too from unshed tears)...but (at the same time) I am glad that is HE is doing really well right now...hearing HIM sing on the background just adds to the agony...maybe its just the excitement that's causing all the confusion...the excitement that's causing all those old feelings to come rushing in again...the excitement that's causing me to wonder how it would have turned out if we ended up together...maybe i am just being too sentimental...or stupid maybe...but I do know (now) that HE has been and will always be special to me...YOU know who YOU are...I dont know if YOU will be able to read this, but know in your heart (and mind), that you will always be an important part of me, and that I have no regrets whatsoever...and I do want to keep what we have just rekindled today. I love YOU...maybe just as a friend, maybe for something deeper...but I guess, at this point I will never really have the chance to know, nor will I have the chance to show you...