Somewhere Down The Road

January 19, 2008.  Finally, after 16 long years, our paths cross again.  Seeing him was the only reason I was so excited to attend the party.  Now that the big day has arrived, I didnt really know what to expect.  Call time was at 11pm but he said he was arriving early to see me.  So while waiting for him to arrive, I tried to shrug off the excitement by watching the ongoing presentation.  When I received a message from the manager stating that they have arrived, I knew that it was time.  I called him and asked where he was, and he said that he already sees me, to which I just replied “really?”, then asked him to come inside.  I tried to downplay my emotions by acting nonchalant, while my eyes frantically search the lobby.  And then when I turned, there he was…I felt my knees go weak, and as he approached me I just went blank.  He gave me a peck on the cheek and enveloped me in a big warm hug…I could have died right there and then but the magical moment was over as soon as it started for it was back to business again.  The band had to be brought backstage as they will be on in a few minutes.  I was in such a mess, I could not stand still, there he was…so near but yet still so far.  I decided to just stand on the side and watch them, well really just him, sing.  When I heard the first few notes of the song I requested, I saw him raise his right index finger to signal that it was for me, I raised my right hand back in recognition.  I had to contend with the fact that even if it was dark, he knew just where I was.  There were moments when we were just looking into each other’s eyes, I mean I maybe wrong of course, he might have been looking at someone else, but deep inside I knew and felt that he was watching me.  I wanted to run up the stage to touch him, to show how much I have missed him, how happy I was that he was finally there, but that move would have been stupid, and would have definitely destroyed my image, so I just stood there watching and waiting.  When the performance was over, I accompanied the band for their snacks, but still no time to talk.  He kept on saying “nahihiya ako sayo.” I could not understand why, and just smiled.  He said that a lot of things have happened since, and whatever he has right now, is not what he really wants in life…and then he just looked at me and whispered that Im still cute as ever…hahaha…finally….a compliment! Oh well, obviously we would not be able to have a private talk that night,  so I said that I was leaving them and to just text if they need anything.  He then stood up, and again enveloped me in a big, warm hug.  It was so hard to keep my emotions intact, and Im glad I was able to muster the courage to walk away without turning to look at him.  After 30 minutes, I received a message from him saying that they were leaving and that they wanted to say goodbye.  I went out, and we talked about planning to go out one of these days…and then another peck on the cheek, and another big, tight, and this time longer, hug.  It just felt so natural, you know for him to be hugging me in front of everyone else…and then for the second time that night, it was over.  We did exchange messages on the way home, and admitted that we had both missed each other…wanted to hug for a longer time, but it was just not possible.  He said that this was what our parents did not understand before…and that we still had “it” up to now…what he meant by that I did not dare ask, but I knew that we understood what each other meant right there and then.  I could not keep my tears from falling, I know I am happy, but I am also sad at the same time.  Sad with the realization that we do have separate and different lives now…and maybe no matter how much we want to bring back the past, it may not be possible anymore.  He said that our past has a song, SOMEWHERE DOWN THE ROAD.  Thinking about the lyrics, does it mean that there still is a chance for us? I do not really have the answers right now.  No one knows what the future will bring.  For now, I am wanting to just spend time with him.