After two months, I had the chance to see him again…I was giddy with excitement while we were still on our way to the bar…weird, felt like I was back in highschool…ciempre, I tried to act nonchalant when I first saw him, but deep inside, grabe I wanted to hug him na talaga.  My beloved ex was not being helpful either, as he was back to his old, charming ways … or maybe I phrased it incorrectly, that was probably how he really is or was or whatever. My instincts were correct though, I knew I should not have gone that night for fear of making the situation harder for me, well obviously, ganun na nga, coz Im back with another blog… Oh well, here’s what happened — as usual he greeted me with another peck on the cheek once he entered the venue…(which I tried to be deadma about)…and he promised to get back to us, which he did after singing. Nakakainis, my beloved ex was sooo nice and sweet and touchy (not in bad way though)…he was even kind enough to hang out with us and engage in a friendly banter with my friends (who were all being kunsintidors)…he kept on looking pa while singing…hay, everything would have been perfect if only we were really and truly together…I was at loss for words nasabi ko lang Ive missed him so much and was contented having him close…he said he did not know what to say either and was contented by just looking at me….aaarggh…shitty line…isip ko binobola na naman ako neto…but still blushed at the thought…stupid me…but you know what? it felt really really good to hug him…as in sobra…why cant I tell him the things I have been typing in my blog?…why cant I just ask him upfront kng ano ba tlga?..I can handle the truth, i just dont wanna be played again…I think its going to be easier to let go if I hear from him straight that he just sees me as a friend now,..but what was surprising though, was the way he remembered what had happened to us before…man that was almost 2 decades ago…he still knew the story, the details…at tama ba na sabihin na ‘wala pa daw kameng formal break up?!?’…ano ba “P”, sobrang torture na tong ginagawa mo sakin…I wanted to think that it was because he could not forget me the same way that he has been a constant fixture in my thoughts…nakakainis…you know how it is when you really like someone?…di ba you start giving meaning to every little word, every little act that this person says or does, feeling mo gusto ka pa rin niya…pero what if I was wrong? na my judgement was clouded pala because nga I still like this person…and that he just treats me the same way he treats his fans, worst his other girls…I honestly wanted to believe that he still thought of me, and that you know maybe a part of him would like to rekindle what we had before, ciempre goes without saying that we cannot really be in a serious relationship anymore (except maybe if there was some sort of a divine intervention) and well hndi naman un ung habol ko e, i just really wanna spend some time with him, you know tipong labas kame, dine, movies, saka do the things we never had the chance to do before…kaya lang hindi ko tlga alam kung ano tutoo or kung ano ang gusto nia. Kainis pa, I stayed after the set was over because I wanted a chance to talk, or well, sige kahit magpaalam na lang ng maayos…and would you believe my beloved ex just left!! Grrr! Which again, left me confused, just a few minutes ago, he was acting real sweet, and then now he left without even saying goodbye…I was honestly hurt by that action, I felt that my worst fears were confirmed, that ganun, like before, he was still playing with me…I was so down when I went home…tried calling his cp which was off…I did not get much sleep that night…and was restless until the next day. Sobrang bigat ng heart ko thinking na sobrang wala na pala talaga. Parang ang hirap na hindi ko na siya makakausap, makikita. Naluluha luha nako when I received a message from him saying that he was sorry he did not get my messages as his cp battery was dead and sana wag na daw ako magalit. My god! Para naman kaya kong magalit sa knya?!? So ciempre, natuwa nako ulit, never mind his explanation about why he suddenly left that night…that could wait… what is important now is that at least he exerted some effort to at least apologize to me…Im happy.